How to Make Anal Sex Less Intimidating
It can be fun and exciting, as long as you follow these rules.
Thanks to porn, more often than not, anal sex is most often shown as a doggy-style only encounter. This in and of itself can be intimidating, as most of us who possess a vulva know, doggy is an intense and deep position. But there are just as many ways to engage in anal as there are PIV (penis in vagina) sex, and how you go about it can determine the level of pleasure you receive.
If you’re trying anal for the first time, or trying again after a not so great experience, there are some tips and tricks you can incorporate to ensure a good time.
Lube, time, and patience are your three best friends when it comes to anal sex. Making sure you pick the right lube is crucial. Unlike the vagina, the anus is not self lubricating. And saliva just won’t do. You need something made for anal, if possible.
When beginning anal play, the wetter the better. Friction can cause micro-tears to the skin and anus itself, which can lead to infection. And that’s not something anyone wants. Ouch!
If you’re not using toys or protection, your best bets are silicone, oil and water hybrids, and oil based lubes. They have a thicker consistency and stick around longer.
But if you’re using condoms or silicone sex toys, water based lubes are your best bet. Anything else will break down the materials in your toy and condom.
What I don’t recommend are desensitizing lubricants. Our pain receptors are there for a reason. When you remove the ability to feel, you’re taking away your body’s first line of defense. Pain says slow down, add more lube, use a smaller toy, etc. And remember, it not only desensitizes your anus, if your penis owning partner isn’t using a condom, it’ll make it more difficult for him to feel as well.
Pain happens, but it can be easily addressed. More often than not, pain is attributed to lack of preparation and moving too fast. Positioning can also be a factor.
Here are some tried and true ideas and positions for anal sex, whether you’re new to the scene or a long-time player.
Plug and Play
If you’re not sure you want penetration from your partner’s organ (or strap-on) just yet, or just getting started, using a butt specific sex toy can help get things started.
Butt specific is a thing and rather important. Most anal toys have a flared base. The last thing you want to do is ruin your evening with a trip to the emergency department. Most of us chuckle at Sex Sent Me to The ER, let’s not be a participant.
While stimulating your clit, via toy or fingers, have your partner begin massaging your anus. Well lubed of course! Women report it’s easier to relax and possibly even orgasm from anal, when there is stimulation to other parts of the body.
And orgasms are always nice.
If the massaging feels good, keep going. You can have your partner insert a toy, finger, or just use vibration. Whatever feels best for you, it’s your booty, after all!
Cowgirl
This is the ultimate “I’m in control” position for those on top. As the person on top, you control the pace and how much you take inside you. That makes for a much smoother anal experience, especially for a newbie.
Be sure you’ve communicated with your partner and they don’t begin thrusting from the bottom until you say it’s okay!
In cowgirl, you control the pace and depth. So start easy and try to relax. Having an orgasm before you begin helps a lot.
Modified Doggy
Doggy style is a go-to for anal for obvious reasons, but it can be difficult for some first timers. As the bottom, you have less control over pacing and depth, unless you modify the position.
As the receiver, assume a kneeling position with your butt cheeks on your heels, and your knees spread wide. Place your hands on your knees or the bed for support. Have your partner assume the same position behind you, adjusting their height so the head of their penis rests just below your booty.
The giver remains static, while the receiver lowers themselves onto the head of the penis (or toy!) and slides down. As the receiver, you’re now in control, sliding up and down, and giving your partner access to your breasts and clitoris.