Welcome to the Friday edition of Demeter’s newsletter! I hope you’ve enjoyed all the fun, and sometimes informative, pieces I’ve compiled for you this week. I thought I would end the week (and the month!) on a humorous note.

I’m lucky enough to be able to test sex toys on occassion, compliments of Best Vibe.

Here’s what happens when your toy testing is interrupted. It wasn’t as funny when it happened, but I can laugh about it today. I hope you enjoy! If you want to support my work, you can always buy me a coffee <3

Trying a new sex toy is fun — especially when you receive it as a product to test. I recently received a remote-controlled vibrator that I was eager to test. It’s supposed to stimulate the user’s g-spot and give clitoral stimulation at the same time. The possibility of a blended orgasm?

Game on.

My in-laws moved in with us a couple of months ago, so spontaneous playtime hasn’t been regularly occurring. Last night, they borrowed our vehicle for a shopping trip into town. Additionally, our two-year old was spending the night with his other grandma.

Game even further on:

we were alone and had a new toy. It was time for some adult fun in the not so private space of our living room.

Winking lewdly at my husband, I skipped off to our bedroom to insert the toy. I thought it might be a little awkward, and I was right. The little bastard didn’t slide in as easily as I wanted. A drop of lube later and I was ready to sashay into the living room.

I was wearing a skirt; I wanted to feel sexy and give him unfettered access to my pussy. I handed my darling the remote and settled in for some good vibrations.

Lying on the couch across from him, I rocked my hips in time to the vibrations from the toy. He varied the speed and I could tell I was getting close to an orgasm. I flipped over onto my stomach and raised my hips in the air.

You know, just like a cat in heat.

Four things happened in quick succession.

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Sex toys have often been considered a solo adventure, especially for women.Using sex toys as a couple is a conversation that can be awkward for some, but well worth the results. When it comes to our pleasure, being open-minded is not a bad thing.

A few months ago, I learned through experimentation, my husband enjoys having certain toys used on him. There’s never been an issue bringing toys into bed with us, other than lack of toys, but he never expressed interest in having one for himself.

When Sex Toys and Your Man Are a Great Combination

I gave my first hand-job to completion to my husband back in October and added my vibrating bullet to the mix. While using my hand on his shaft, I placed the bullet under his testicles. It was a clear winner. Lots of lube, slippery hand up and down the shaft (paying lots of attention to the head) and a vibrator on his testicles was the perfect combination for ejaculation.

It wasn’t long after the epic hand-job we had our first experience together using a toy, on him, internally.

The same vibrating bullet from our first toy run came into play again. It’s the first time my husband ever had anything larger than a finger inserted in his anus.

After five years of being together and learning he won’t be judged, he was finally able to let go and experience the pleasure he’s desired.

Stepping Up Our Game

Since our first experiences, we’ve been lucky enough to add more toys to our collection. Being asked to review toys has been a blessing for many reasons, not the least of which is bulking up our collection and learning what toys we do and don’t like.

We have an awesome inflatable prostate stimulator that’s become a go-to anytime we break out the toys. I can use it on him or he can use it on me. My favorite is using it to stimulate his p-spot. I love the orgasm this causes and the look of sheer ecstasy on his face.

Recently, we got a new wand to try. I’ll admit, I was a bit leery as I own a wand already. I wasn’t sure what owning two wands would do for me, but I was willing to try.

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Sex work encompasses a number of activities. Depending on your locality, it may be illegal. The stigma attached to sex work has little to do with the legality involved, and more to do with the perceived exchange of sexual favors for money.

Serial daters focus on earning money, showing off success, or dating someone who can bring them such rewards. While embracing these priorities, they try to avoid the emotional entanglements that accompany intimate relationships.

There’s social stigma surrounding those who serial date, but the level is nothing compared to those engaged in sex work. The difference being, those who serial date aren’t putting themselves out there honestly, stating their intention is to obtain money, success, power, or just a good time from their dates.

Whereas, when you engage with a sex worker, the end result is clear cut. You’re hiring someone to spend time with you, perform a service, have a good time, and at the end of the date, go your separate ways. There’s no question of whether there’s a relationship blossoming, no question of emotional attachment, and typically, no strings attached.

So why is the stigma surrounding sex workers so much more than those who serial date?

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Years ago, Craigslist had a section for Casual Encounters. I’ll admit, I placed ads there on occasion, when I was looking for a friend with benefits without emotional attachment.

Yes, women look for those, too.

One night stands, friends with benefits, and casual dating are all valid forms of sexual expression. Women and men seek these kinds of connections, oftentimes when they aren’t ready or in a position to enter into a long term romantic relationship. They may not have the bandwidth to give their emotional all to a person, but their sexual desires are still present.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking encounters like these. A healthy sex drive is not something to feel shame about. What is wrong is leading someone to believe what you’re searching for is something other than a casual encounter, if that’s all you’re in it to accomplish.

It’s archaic to believe men are always down for casual sex, while women are not. Though research indicates women are more satisfied when they’re the instigators, and when they enjoy the sex, and have less regrets about the encounter.

Casual sex can be a mood and self esteem booster for both genders.

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When I begin a conversation with someone I’m interested in dating, one of the first things I tell them, is I’m married and in a polyamorous relationship.

Typically, their first question is, what is polyamory?

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. Some of the core tenets of polyamory include treating relationships with other people in an ethical and responsible way.

Each polyamorous relationship is different. The guidelines, morals, and boundaries are specific to the needs and desires of the individuals involved, and should never be presumed based on experiences with others or what we see in the media.

One of the most important parts of my relationship is the ethical portion of it. It’s also the part people get wrong the most.

Polyamory is not an excuse to behave badly.

Another name for polyamory is ethical non-monogamy, emphasis on being ethical. We’ve opened our relationship after heartfelt, honest, and intense discussions; the last thing we want to be a part of is aiding someone in being unfaithful to their spouse or partner. Polyamory is not an excuse to behave badly.

Polyamory is a way for people who feel the capacity to have loving relationships with more than one person to explore that desire. Some people feel polyamory is a relationship orientation, similar to a sexual orientation, and that they are programmed that way and can’t imagine being any other way. Others believe polyamory is a conscious choice to be made.

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