In the United States, where monogamy is the standard, polygamy is still viewed as something of a taboo. When portrayed in the media it runs the gamut from the outrageous, like the recent true crime documentary, Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, and Madnesswhere two very different forms of polygamy are shown, but not heavily discussed; to the religious, like HBO’s hit series,Big Love.

Polygamy exists in three specific forms:

Polygyny, wherein a man has multiple simultaneous wives.
Polyandry, wherein a woman has multiple simultaneous husbands.
Group marriage, wherein the family unit consists of multiple husbands and multiple wives of legal age.

Though I’ll add, I believe group marriage can also include multiple partners of the same sex.

Religion isn’t a requirement, though you would think so, based on what you see on television.

Polygamy and religion

In 2006, Big Love shined a light on polygyny practiced in America by FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints) in modern times. It’s not that we didn’t know it was happening, but it wasn’t advertised.

Polygamy (called plural marriage by Mormons in the 19th century) was practiced by leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) for more than half of the 19th century, and practiced publicly from 1852 to 1890 by between 20 and 30 percent of Latter-day Saint families. — source

The church and the US Government were at odds over the practice, owing to public opinion. The church stated it was their right, due to religious freedom, to practice plural marriage, while the government maintained public opinion should prevail.

What it boiled down to was a matter of morality. The government of the United States said plural marriage wasn’t moral, regardless of religious beliefs.

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When we begin a new relationship, part of the process is getting to know one another. Our sexuality and desires are part of who we are as a person and are just as important to include in the discussion as what foods we do and don’t like. Due to societal expectations and stigmas placed on sexuality, especially for women, we find it difficult to have sex talks with our partners, new and long-term.

Discussing our sexual desires and expectations are vital to a healthy and happy relationship, regardless of our status — monogamous, polyamorous, or open. I would argue the latter two types of relationships require even deeper conversations about expectations and stronger communication.

There are a number of things that should be discussed in the beginning of a relationship and throughout, but it’s never too late to start the conversation if you haven’t engaged in it already.

What’s important isn’t when you have it, but that you have it at all.

Where the conversation happens

It would seem a sex talk with our partner(s) would happen in the bedroom, but that would be incorrect. When you’re sitting down with your partner(s) for a potentially intense and emotional conversation about your desires, the bedroom is not where you need to be.

Oftentimes, when sex talks occur in the bedroom, the inevitable happens.

Sex.

While sex is a good thing, it’s not your end game here. You want to engage in productive conversation, so let’s try being comfortable without getting naked.

Sitting together on the couch while having a glass of your favorite beverage or even at the dining room table is a great place to start. Just be sure you’re both relaxed and comfortable.

You want to be sure neither you or your partner feels attacked or like you’ve done anything wrong.

This is a conversation about something to better your relationship, not a place to assign blame.

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I won’t deny physical touch is important, essential even. It isn’t always available, especially right now. When we can’t touch our loved ones with our bodies, we can do the next best thing.

We can touch them with our words.

Emotional connections are just as important as physical ones. I’d even argue they’re more important. The ability to communicate effectively with those we’re physically connected to is vital. If we can’t share how we feel without fear of repercussion or shame, how are we to share our physical bodies with our partners?

Touch me with your words

It’s been said the brain is the biggest sex organ we have. I won’t argue with this. Someone who can touch me with their words has me tight in their grasp. It doesn’t have to be with sex talk, either.

Intellectual discourse is just as sexy to me as a conversation about sex.

A person who is in touch with their feelings is especially attractive. Someone who isn’t afraid to tell me how they’re feeling in the moment, sharing their hopes and dreams, now that is sexy.

But it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

I’m here for the darkness, too.

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The female orgasm continues to puzzle and amaze laypersons and scientists alike. It’s the subject of intense scientific interest and research has been done on what helps and hinders the female orgasm.

In 2014, OBGYN’s at Good Samaritan Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio conducted a study of 30 women to determine if clitoris size and direct distance between the clitoris and the vagina (as measured by a line running straight through the body) had any bearing on their ability to orgasm.

Researchers used magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to scan the pelvic area of 30 women who were on average 32 years old.

Ten of these women had reported rarely or never achieving orgasms despite trying. The rest of the participants reported normal orgasmic experience during sex.

Size does matter

Comparing the two groups of women, the researchers found that the direct distance between the clitoris and the vagina was 5 to 6 millimeters longer on average in the group of women with orgasm problems.

These women also had a smaller clitoris on average.

Maybe she’s born with it

“We still can’t tell whether this is the chicken or the egg,” Dr. Susan Oakley said. “Do these women have a bigger clitoris because they have more orgasms? Or are they born with a bigger clitoris that allows them to have better function?”

The clitoris is more than meets the eye, literally. It’s comprised of parts known as the body, crura, bulb, and root. Shaped like a boomerang, it extends under the skin. The visible part, the glans, contains thousands of nerves densely packed in a small area and appears to be the center of sexual sensation.

It is possible that a smaller distance between the clitoris and the vagina makes it easier for orgasm to occur during penetration. It’s also possible that having a larger clitoris means having more nerves to be stimulated.

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If you’re interested in helping support one of your favorite sex writers, here’s a link to the newsletter where I detail a special offer!

Sex workers are struggling through this pandemic, especially those who meet with their clients in person. If there’s someone you see on a regular basis, there are things you can do to help support sex workers right now.

Ask about cam services

While being self-isolated can be depressing, why not brighten your day by contacting your favorite sex worker and seeing if they offer cam services? Most people are being required to shelter in place, and if your companion is available, this is a fantastic way to help support their business and get something fun in the process.

Ask about personal shows, clips for sale, and live feeds. Your companion may offer one or all of these services right now while they’re self isolating.

Ask about photo sets

Your companion may provide custom photo sets just for you. This is something I’ve done for clients in the past and it’s turned out well. If you see a Dominatrix in particular, these photos can provide many hours of pleasure, coupled with text, to keep you occupied until you can be with your Domme again.

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