When we begin a new relationship, part of the process is getting to know one another. Our sexuality and desires are part of who we are as a person and are just as important to include in the discussion as what foods we do and don’t like. Due to societal expectations and stigmas placed on sexuality, especially for women, we find it difficult to have sex talks with our partners, new and long-term.

Discussing our sexual desires and expectations are vital to a healthy and happy relationship, regardless of our status — monogamous, polyamorous, or open. I would argue the latter two types of relationships require even deeper conversations about expectations and stronger communication.

There are a number of things that should be discussed in the beginning of a relationship and throughout, but it’s never too late to start the conversation if you haven’t engaged in it already.

What’s important isn’t when you have it, but that you have it at all.

Where the conversation happens

It would seem a sex talk with our partner(s) would happen in the bedroom, but that would be incorrect. When you’re sitting down with your partner(s) for a potentially intense and emotional conversation about your desires, the bedroom is not where you need to be.

Oftentimes, when sex talks occur in the bedroom, the inevitable happens.

Sex.

While sex is a good thing, it’s not your end game here. You want to engage in productive conversation, so let’s try being comfortable without getting naked.

Sitting together on the couch while having a glass of your favorite beverage or even at the dining room table is a great place to start. Just be sure you’re both relaxed and comfortable.

You want to be sure neither you or your partner feels attacked or like you’ve done anything wrong.

This is a conversation about something to better your relationship, not a place to assign blame.

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