Photo by Kostiantyn Li on Unsplash
2022 has been a doozy of a year for me and I know I’m not alone. If you’d told me I would have a heart attack in my 44th year of life, at any point in time, I probably wouldn’t have believed you. But here I am, still recovering in some ways, but soldering on as we do. I’ve learned a lot from this experience and I’m taking these lessons into 2023 and beyond.
Part of the issue that led to me having the heart attack was living a life full of stress. While I can’t control a lot of things about my life, I can choose how I respond to them. I’ve spent the last six months working on just how I do that and I’ve gotten a lot better about not letting the little things get to me as much. I’m also learning to take better care of myself in every single way.
“If we want to live a wholehearted life, we have to become intentional about cultivating sleep and play, and about letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.”—Brene Brown
I’ll admit, I didn’t necessarily subscribe to the “grind” mentality in the way the so-called dude bros do, as in, I may not have let the whole world know about every little thing I was doing behind the scenes. I didn’t announce how exhausted I was, or how many hours per day I was working, what time I got up every day to get it all done, etc. But I was doing all of it in private. Working 10-12 hour days or more, collapsing into bed (or more likely, on the couch), working 3-4 different jobs, trying to make everything work all on my own for the most part, and yes, that led to me having a heart attack at the age of 44.
At the end of the day, killing myself wasn’t going to make anything better for anyone. I wasn’t winning any awards. I wasn’t leaving any legacy for my husband, my loves, or my kids. There is no legacy of exhaustion.
What’s ironic is, since I’ve slowed down some things have begun to come to me, business wise, in the way I truly wanted. No, I’m not making money hand over fist by any means, I still struggle. But the connections I’ve been curating over the last six months will eventually get me where I want to be in this crazy freelance world.
I can’t say who the box came from yet (it’s under embargo until mid January), but I received a box yesterday from a very recognizable name in the adult industry full of items I get to test and review ahead of their launch. This is the first time I’ll be covering a launch like this and it’s pretty huge for me.
This coming year I’ll be working with an adult film producer who’s been in the industry for over 20 years, creating original erotic stories and audio. She’s been building her business on the model that porn doesn’t have to be male-centric and she wants me to be part of that. I could not be more honored.
Imposter syndrome is a real thing. There are days I wonder, am I really a sex educator? Do I really have anything to add to the conversation? Or am I just playing at this? And then I’m reminded that people who have been doing this for a lot longer than I have actually seem to give a shit about what I have to add to the discourse.
Companies reach out to me regularly for input and yes, it feels pretty fucking amazing. So, dear readers, I’m here to stay.
And now, I would love to know, what would you like to see and hear more of from me in 2023? But first, let me tell you what’s to come:
I’ve been working hard to get my website back up and running. After Medium removed my original account I was determined to never lose all my work again. It’s been a trial because I am not the most tech savvy person ever, but I am about 90% finished. Thanks so much to
for his help getting me most of the way there and helping me fix my major issues. It isn't 100% ready, but I would love if you'd check it out and bookmark it for when it is. You can find it here.As mentioned, I will be creating original erotica and recording audio to go with it for a feminist porn site this year. As soon as I’m able, I’ll let you know where to find it. For now, it’s a “secret” project. But I’ll announce it here first.
If you’re ever interested in having me write personalized erotica and/or recording audio for you, I do that! I used to advertise this on Kofi, but they recently suspended my account over this (apparently they are not okay with NSFW things FYI) so if you would like to contract for that, feel free to reply to this email and we can talk pricing.
More toy reviews, which means discounts for you when you shop. Most of the companies I work with offer a discount code for my readers, so even if you haven’t seen a review from me for something, if you’re considering purchasing an item from any of the major stores or companies, please reach out and I will happily do what I can to get you a link/code. I am also available to help you find the perfect toy for you and/or your partner(s)
OnlyFans—I restarted my OnlyFans a couple of months ago with a free subscription model but as of January 1st it is now paid. I chose the lowest subscription price available so it won’t break the bank. I’m spending 2 days in an exquisite B&B January 8-10, where I’ll be shooting probably 6 months worth of content, photo and video. If you would like to subscribe, just click the link and it will take you to my page. If you are interested in custom content, you can order that here but please be sure to get your orders in before the 7th as I will need to prepare and know what to bring with me on my trip.
Classes—I’ve been saying I want to do this for years and 2023 is finally going to be that year. Most of my focus will be on sexuality, relationships, and intimacy. I would love to know what you would like to know more about. What type of classes/modules would you be interested in taking?
I can’t wait to hear more from you in this coming year. Thank you for sticking with me. Happy New Year to each and every one of you.